So you want to be part of the ‘bluffing' crowd do you? Well it's not that easy, and you don’t just 'get things' in life because you want them - you have to prove yourself first before the membership process can even be considered. Here are a few things to bare in mind before embarking on the journey that some may refer to as 'life dodging'!
The rather unforgettable acronym 'Be Popped' will echo round your mind from this day on…..
1. Be on guard at all times, don’t let your cover slip for a moment. You may think that putting a menu an inch closer to your eyes in order to read it is ok - ITS NOT, don’t do it.
2. Eye contact - Not an easy or natural thing for some bluffers, particularly those (like myself) with crazy eyes that do their own thing (peeps interested in medical stuff its called nystagmus) Those in the perfect vision fraternity seem to rate it a great deal and place huge importance on this. So, thats what you HAVE to do. Maintain looking straight at someone at all costs even if their eyes are just like blobs on a face and the sheer act of fixating on something means you may keel over, throw up with dizziness or make your pupils go even more bonkers than before - It doesn’t matter! You are fooling people which will, in turn make you awesome!
3. Preparation is the key, you know that quote from one of those 'founding father' blokes in America; “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. An example, Don’t just rock up at a train station without your iPhone and that 'I don’t even need to bother pretending to see the departure boards I can just look at my phone to see which platform I am heading to app' and expect to know where your train is leaving from without asking someone. Or looking like a fool contorting your body in ridiculous angels trying to squint to see. Download all available apps, bring your smartphone and above all research.
4. Our moto is, Its not what you can’t see its what THEY think you can.
5. Position - (BTW if you have got this far down my list, good for you - tweet me I will send you a prize) by this I mean always put yourself in places where you can max out on acquiring info from folk around you. Listening in on conversations can make a difference as to whether you end up getting that all new super duper, springtime mintalicious mocha or a boring old builders tea in Starbucks because the menu boards and the exciting - 'New for this season' stuff are literally kilometres away!
6. Patience - bide your time, your eyes aren’t as SH1T3 hot as everyone else’s. My tips and tricks will get you to where you want to be as a 'sightie' but may take you that little bit longer - you will get there. Of course asking somebody would cut out about 10 of your bluffing steps and get you what you want in half the time. But why the heck would you ever want to do that?!
7. Enjoy - have fun with pretending, sometimes its hard, sometimes you are skating close to 'the truth' but revel in the fact that it makes you cleverer and smarter than those 'I am just driving off in my car' smug eyed people!
8. Do not under any circumstances tell anyone you are a ‘Bluffer'.
I hope the 8 step guide will increase the chances of bluffing success!
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